Saturday, July 17, 2010


I know there are some of you with no daughters (or sons) of your own. Please know that your influence reaches out to my children and to others' children. Your work and service are immeasurable and appreciated each time you give your time and attention to any of our children or grandchildren. You are Mothers and Fathers to many who look to you for your numerous examples of kindness and patience and love.

I'll never forget the first time I saw my daughter, Christine. After the docs delivered her, she was placed on my shoulder, up next to my cheek. My arms were strapped to some kind of boards out to my sides so I wouldn't interfere with the C-Section they were performing due to complications during pregnancy. I couldn't actually hold Christine next to me, but I snuggled against her as best I could and looked her over through tear streaked eyes. She was the most beautiful little baby girl I had ever seen! I instantly fell in love with her. I have to admit I was terrified about being a mother for the first time, but after the fear subsided and my instincts caught hold of me, I hit the ground running with all my might!

Christine's Grandmother came and stayed with us the first week we were home from the hospital, then Mama came the next week. They both left their homes to come and help me and Christine adjust to each other's schedules and establish some routines. It was such a comfort to have their experience and love surrounding us as I learned what was needed at the time. We sort of viewed each other differently after the birth of Christine. I was their equal now. We were all Mothers.

Even though Sue (Grandmother) didn't have daughters of her own, she still had four daughters-in-law. We were like her daughters in some respects -- the daughters she didn't get to raise, but was still teaching all the same. We learned a lot from her, lessons to remember.

[For those of you with only sons -- love those daughters-in-law as your own daughters!]

Mama had two daughters, my younger sister and me. Oh, we fought some fierce battles with each other at times, and I'm sure our Mama was exhausted by it all, but she still loved and cared for us with all the energy she had. I learned a lot more from Mama than I would have admitted while in my youth. As I began a family, I realized how much she had done for us and how much she sacrificed so that we would have a chance to try to make our way out in the world. The greatest lessons I have learned came from my Mother. I am so grateful to be able to recognize and acknowledge her influence for good in my life. I'm also glad I remembered to tell her about some of those good things while she was living and able to savor my gratitude to and for her.

Being the Mother of a daughter has been the highlight of my life. To watch her grow from a tiny baby to holding her own baby is a miracle that is beyond words. This fall, Christine will give birth to her own daughter. She will experience for herself what I, and my Mother, experienced when we looked into our daughters' eyes for the very first time, kissed those softer than soft cheeks, loved with a love too great to speak, and thought, 'it just can't get any better than this'.....

You are in for the time of your life, my beautiful daughter, Christine! I love you!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Three Months Later....

I miss my Mama even more. There are things I need to talk over with her. I need to touch her hair and hold her hand and feel my cheek against hers. I need to cry with her and hear her tell me it will all be ok.

I guess I'll just have to wait....

Blowing kisses to you Mama. Are you getting them?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

How Do I Spell RELIEF?


It's been a long four years, but we think we have received the correct diagnosis for Will's latest set of symptoms. Among the list are fatigue, hoarseness (the few words he now says only come out after clearing his throat several times), occasional dizziness, [the appearance of] loss of interest, loss of concentration, a general feeling of un-wellness, etc.

We are now learning to adjust to Hypothyroidism. Hopefully the [loose] diagnosis of parkinsonism will be thrown out altogether, in the near future. As scary as hypo is, parkinsonism was seriously depressing me.

About five weeks ago Will had his first appointment with a new doc (we have given him the title of Saint Clifton, since he has probably helped save Will's life for the moment). A lengthy discussion took place between St. C and us, blood was drawn and all results received. Will started his new meds and already seems a little happier and livelier, which, of course, makes me feel better.

I am so grateful for the progress that I can see taking place in Will. As a mother, there is nothing more heartbreaking than watching one of your children suffering right before your eyes and not being able to do anything about it without some help. Help does come, though, in a variety of ways. We don't always understand those ways while in the midst of the crisis. Sometimes we have to let some time pass and the dust settle before we can see the picture a little more clearly. From an Eternal perspective, everything happens for a reason. There is a Plan. Frequently, included in the plan is letting go of someone we love for now. I'm not sure I know how to do that just yet.....

I don't know how long I will be blessed with my son's presence in this life, but I do know, with no doubt, I will see him again when our lives on earth have ended. There is great comfort and relief in knowing certain things and having answers to the questions that really matter.

I am also grateful to know there is a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior in charge of everything. We can leave our troubles at their feet when they are too heavy to carry. I know we are loved more than we can comprehend at this moment in time, but it's really nice to have a little glimpse of it anyway.

We are relieved to have answers that [hopefully] will help Will. I'm also comforted by the fact that if the answers had been entirely different, we would have gotten through it -- with faith in the promise of blessings beyond measure -- if we endure all things well, until the end.

For now, this is one mother who is counting some of those blessings, one minute at the time......