Sunday, October 23, 2011

Time Keeps on Slippin', Slippin', Slippin' Into the Future....

I'm glad I didn't scare you away after that last post. I wasn't in a good Place at the time. Could you tell? We all have our ups and downs, I suppose. Fortunately, like most all things, it didn't last very long -- thanks to lots of help from loving, patient, kind friends -- and a forgiving, merciful Father in Heaven. He always knows what I need and when.

I don't know how to explain the passage of time anymore! It seems like I wake up one morning and months have passed without any recollection of what happened even yesterday. What's up with that? Mama used to say, "It's a sign of getting old." Just this once, I'm not going to believe her ;)

I've been wonderfully busy with my little growing business of baking and selling. People seem to really enjoy (and I mean REALLY ENJOY) homemade stuff so I've been selling tons of it. My two hands can't seem to produce enough to keep my ovens busy. It's all good, just tiring and a bit overwhelming at times. We are thankful for the extra income, although, the laundry and dishes pile up a lot faster than they used to. Everything waits on me to have a break from baking, then I get caught up. And, it starts all over again.....

I've had lots of opportunities to watch the sun come up from my kitchen window. It's a glorious sight to witness that part of Heavenly Father's creation. It is such a blessing to take in the radiant bursts of color surrounding the first light of day on our side of this beautiful world. There is no doubt in my mind that we are only a small (yet important) part in a grand tapestry that makes up Eternity. Evidences of this truth are all around us. Taking the time and having the desire to notice the miracles and abundance of life can bring much joy to this grateful child of God.

Thanks for stopping by.

When I think of blessings, I always think of you. Love you with my heart.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Monday Morning Blahs

I've a lot of unwelcome thoughts running around in my head today, most of which have to do with relationships. Why is getting along such a difficult thing to do sometimes?! Is it really necessary to take everything personally? As hard as I try to avoid conflict, I seem to find myself smack dab in the middle of it often. Why is that, I wonder.... My tongue is bleeding from biting it over the past several months. Totally self-inflicted, I know. That's about to change..... Yep, I'm admitting (once again) that I am human.

At the risk of being just plain ole negative today, I'm going to let off a little steam anyway. So, run and get an umbrella (or a complete outfit of water proof clothing) and get an eyeball full of my sludge. I'm going to be slinging some. That was your warning.

First of all, it makes me so unhappy that people find it funny/necessary/or whatever to use the word "retard" or "retarded" in a joke or to insult someone who is behaving or not behaving in a particular way. It is not a joke around here. Period. Those of you who know me and our family, you know why. It is offensive on every level. In music it means to slow the pace down. I get that and do not take offense when used in the PROPER context. When it is used in any other way, I have to pull the dagger out of my heart and stitch up a deep wound that takes a long time to heal, and always leaves a nasty scar that recognizes the wrongdoer from at least a mile away, and never seems to forget where the injury came from. More than enough said.

*Taking a deep breath*

Next, I am not out to get anybody. I do not have time to sit around and think of ways to hurt someone's feelings, cause problems in their home (yeah, I'm putting the guilt/blame back where it belongs -- on them!!) or run around and gossip about every little detail of someone else's life. In case there's anyone out there that hasn't noticed, I've got my hands FULL over here. No extra time -- zip -- to fabricate a plan to bring anyone down or blow out someone's light. It's not on my list of priorities, nor any other list for that matter. So, I don't need a lecture about that either.

*Inhaling and exhaling a little bit deeper*

And another thing..... I'm not baking 8-16 hours a day for my health! It's enjoyable, yes, but I am trying to help with our family's income. It's exhausting!! It is not cheap to raise a child with disabilities. The rewards are so much greater than any expense could ever be, but it does take money, and lots of it. When I am no longer on this earth, Christine and her family will have that responsibility. It would be unfair of me to leave her with nothing to work with. So, I get up, try to get orders for the day or week, and start working on filling them. At the end of each day, I wonder how I will ever make enough money baking bread to contribute to Will's survival when I'm not here anymore to help. I'd love to get to the point of having a bake shop outside our home, but I realize that may not happen. I'm working toward it, but trying to be realistic at the same time. So, I'm working on getting some pre-school-aged children's books published. There's not a lot of money to be made off of each individual book, but the more I do, the more there will be to leave behind.

Lately, I've been feeling more of a sense of urgency to move a little bit faster with everything (baking and books), which makes some people feel that I am being pushy. Too. Bad. Just say, "No, thank you" each time I ask, if it's not something that appeals to you. It's ok. I'm a big girl. I can take it. I'm still going to ask. Maybe more than once or twice.

Well, have you had enough yet? I think I have, for now anyway. I'm not trying to be unkind or mean or anything. I just needed to vent. Thanks for letting me. I did warn you, didn't I? I know.... wah, wah, wah ;)

I'm still holding on to HOPE (and a little bit of my sense of humor). Sometimes, it's all I have.

"Give us the strength to encounter that which is to come, that we may be brave in peril, constant in tribulation, temperate in wrath, and in all changes of fortune, and down to the gates of death, loyal and loving one to anther." -- Robert Louis Stevenson

Monday, April 25, 2011


Wow. I can hardly believe it's been almost 6 months since I wrote anything here! The time has flown by.

Sometime last fall I started back up with my little bakery business (Darlene's Kitchen). I'm enjoying it so much! It's keeping me busy and I get to see friends every week when they pick up their orders or I deliver. I also get paid, so I feel like I am helping out with our family's income too. It's been good for me in a lot of ways.

On the 16th this month (April) was the anniversary of my Mama's passing. That morning was pretty rough, but by the afternoon I was busy and not dwelling on those last few weeks she struggled as we watched and waited, for either a miracle or for her to be relieved of her suffering. I told Heavenly Father I would accept whatever he had in His plan for her and for our family during that time, but I don't think I've fully accepted all of it, yet. I'm still working on that part.....

My father, I think, has moved on a lot quicker than any of us had expected him to. In ways, I'm content about that. In others, I'm not sure how I feel. He seems well and happy so that's really what counts, isn't it?

This past winter, we had snow here in Alabama -- a few times. Maybe even a record number of times for our area. It even snowed on Christmas! A dear friend of mine and I had the same thought: It was one of those "tender mercies" the Lord sees fit to bestow upon His children from time to time. It was such a beautiful sight. Snow. In Alabama. On Christmas Day. I'll never forget how I felt when I opened the front door as wide as it would go and just beheld those giant frozen tears from Heaven falling all over the place. We had a roaring fire in the fireplace and the sounds and smells of the season permeating our home. All was well on Christmas Day. There is a indescribable peace that always accompanies that one day each year. I need to learn how to internalize it and keep it with me all year long. Until I do, I'm so grateful for the memories of it....

Time to get back to my Kitchen again. I have lots of orders this week to keep me busy and looking forward to getting out of bed each day. Besides my Faith and Family, baking and writing are my loves. I hope to get better at ALL of it!

Wishing you peace.